How to be a "typical," ordinary small town family

• Firstly, live in a small town. Preferably "mainstream Wasilla."
  
• Buy clothes from the highly expensive, elite big city shops. Small town shops are not small town enough.
  
• Spend a "reasonable" small town budget of $180,000 on personal clothes only in 2 months. Fairly "frugal."
• Get married to someone arrested for drunk driving in '86 before marriage and was briefly jailed.
  
• Marry someone who joined a group that wanted Alaska to secede from the United States.
• Let your teenage daughter have her own doll of a child because you can't meet her demand of getting a puppy. Its ok as long as she's happy even if it's out of wedlock.
• Force the same daughter to marry the playboy she used to get her doll of a child, without son-in-law's consent even if the playboy son-in-law's mom is arrested for drug abuse on 6 counts.
• Shoot down animals from helicopters. Animal rights are not small town enough for you.
  
• Fire your ex-brother-in-law for fun when you become a Governor.
  
• Claim foreign policy experience due to proximity of your state to Russia even if you got your first passport in '06.
  
• Use your Yahoo! email account for state business to avoid court investigations.
  
• Run for beauty pageant, mayor, governor and the vice presidency.
• Ramble something on the bailout and "umbrella of job creation" if you can't answer the question.
• Call the interviewer by his nickname frequently to jinx him when you don't know what "bush-doctrine" means.
• Dub yourself "hockey mom" and "average Joe-six pack."
• Use public office for discussing future plans.
• Discuss banning books with librarian.